lovenator

People say it is something of an insult to be told that we originated from monkeys. yet, we use the expression "you scratch my back and ill scratch yours"....monkeys scratch each others backs..

I have cum to the conclusion that everyone has at least 5 sexual/dirty jokes in their minds a day. And no, that was not a spelling error.

Shots shots shotsshotsshots shots shots shotshotsshots shots shots shots shots shots shots EVERYBODY!

When thinking about the teletubbies and their quick popularity as a children television show, it brings to my attention that the person that made this show must be a complete idiot or a very intelligent human being. Multimillionaire bastard...

So today I found out someone I know has herpes. Herpes is nothing to joke about, but when I asked her about it she said, "I did, but I covered it up. So I don't have it anymore." The things people say to escape embarrassment..

To be or not to be. These are the words of Shakespeare. But what if you were to be something you didn't want to be? Or if the thing you were being wasn't a be at all? Just something that was temporary? I don't know, just a thought.

If a key can open any lock it is a master lock, but if a lock can be opened by any key…. it’s a shitty lock.

Friendship bracelets are not the bizz. I always thought that the more friendship bracelets you had would show how many true friends you had. WRONG. I feel like they are just a set up to give you a wrist tan. Yes, I’m calling you friendship bracelet makers out. One of my friends has multiple friend ship bracelets and after wearing them all the time she has a horrible wrist tan. So please do not offer me any bracelets, for I will only throw them away.

The controversial argument of Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan is not an argument. They both kick ass, and they both are Asian. I think it would be a crime to pick who is better.

Rule #7 of the 23 rules of being a man: Any object thrown with decent speed and accuracy must be caught. Rule #24: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Rule #25: Never, ever slap another man.

1. Describe your favorite pet OR if you've never had a pet you liked, describe what your favorite pet would be/be like.
i have never had a pet but i would LOVE to have a pet lemur! I would name him Arthur, and i would take him every where with me.

2. Where do you feel safest?
I feel safest in my grandparents home. They have always been there for me even when i do the worst things. MY grandparents have been with me since i was born and have never left. They make me feel safe.

3. Write a CREATIVE excuse (absence) note for the attendance office.

Dear Attendance Office,
please excuse me from school today. My mom and i forgot to get the Sunday news paper off of our porch. We picked it up today, Monday, and thought it was Sunday.
Sincerely,
Senor Love Daddy

4. If you could have as much of any one food item--not a full meal--and it wouldn't count against you as unhealthy, what would you pick? You could pick an ingredient, like sugar, and all sugar would not count against you, or you could pick a finished item like fudge, in which case you could eat all the fudge you wanted but brownies, chocolate bars, etc would still count against you.
If i could have any food and it wouldn't count against me I would pick milk shakes! Milk shakes are totally delicious and i wish i could have them everyday, but they are really bad for one's health so I'm not allowed to have them when I please.

5. If you could punch any one character from a book or film, who would you punch?
If i could punch one character out of all the books we've read I would choose Jack from LOTF. He really annoys me for some reason.

6. You're given an empty storefront and startup money. What kind of business would you open?
I would start up a fast food place where the food was given quickly, but it was still as healthy as a home made dinner.

7. What 5 things would you like to do before you die?
1) Make love to Vanessa Hudgens
2) Kick a grizzly bear in the balls
3) Learn how to be a ninja
4) Spend alot of money
5) See a star up close

8. If you could go back in time to change any one historical event, what would it be, and how would changing it affect the world moving forward FROM THAT POINT OR if you could un-invent something, what would it be and why would you un-invent it?
I really want to un-invent the piss test. I dont like it one bit. It catches you with everything! through piss! I odnt think thats very fair..
9. Write down your top 5 favorite lyrics/quotes and explain why you like them/picked them (and give any analysis that will help us).

"Life is a game of inches. It's the guy who is willing to die who's going to win that inch."

"Never tired no fatigue, never defiant to my team."

"There are three things in my life that I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem- once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit."

"My word is my pride, but wisdom is bleak and that's a word from the wise."

"I'm allergic to cheatin', I hate failure and I'm in love with achievement."

10. You have a week to spend $10,000--how would you spend it?
I would pay for a bunch of new baseball stuff. Then i would give my mom the rest of the money to save for me :)

11. Pick a poster/piece of art from Mr. Ross' walls and write about why you picked it. Do you love/like/hate it? How does it make you feel?

12. Describe your favorite piece of clothing/accessory and why you like it (hat, shirt, shoes, etc) OR if your house was burning down, what 3 non-living things would you grab?

The image that i chose is the image called, "This is not a pipe." I think this image is saying that things aren't always what they seem to be. Obviously it is a pipe, but is it really? Some people just look at things the way that they always do. We need to learn how to think out side of the box. I feel that art is a way of one's self putting his/her ideas, thoughts, or feelings into a picture. In a piece of art you can do anything. You can draw anything. You don't have to be a good artist to draw whats on your mind. Some of the most famous pieces of art in the world are ugly, but they are famous because of their meaning and what their picture or sculpture means. Art is something that is in every one. Everyone can make a doodle onto heir math homework, and everyone can think of something to draw and draw it, even if the don't have the smoothest of hand.

Ivory- “Coast of Maine”
This song is about a guy who misses his home town in Portland, Maine. I have personally never been to Maine, but I did used to live in Salt Lake City. I knew a lot of friends and family there and I miss them. In the song they say, “I miss the holidays” I miss the holidays too! My family would throw big Christmas parties and Easter egg hunts for family and friends. The song also says, “I miss our city.” When he says “our” he means him and his friends. I miss my salty laked city also, and the friends I shared it with.

Nickelback- “Gotta Be Somebody”
This song is about how every wants to feel like some one has their 6 (has their back). I love all of my friends, but I’m still looking for that person that really makes me feel like I can just be myself around them. In the song they say, “’Cause nobody wants to be the last one there, and everyone wants to feel like someone cares.” This part applies to me because feeling like someone cares is very important to me. The more friends I make, the more I feel like I’m safe and loved. Nickelback also says in the song, “Nobody wants to do it on their own, and everyone wants to know that they are not alone.” These lines don’t just apply to me, but they make me think of other people who might need a friend or someone to make them feel like they can get through things because they will have a friend to help them; no matter how big the obstacle, and even if they don’t over come the obstacle they will still have that person with them.

Kid Cuddi- “Pursuit of Happiness”
This is one of my favorite songs. It has a catchy tune, but my favorite is the lyrics. This song explains my life. In the song it says, “I’m on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain’t always gunna be gold.” I’ve seen a lot of things that seem like they are going to be helpful for me or my family, but they ended up being the worst things that have happened. What these lyrics mean is that, something that looks like it is something special isn’t always as special as it seems. Another line from his song is when Kid Cuddi says, “People told me slow my roll, I'm screaming out fuck that, Ima do just what I want lookin’ ahead no turnin’ back, if I fall if I die know I lived it to the fullest, if I fall if I die know I lived and missed some bullets.” What he is saying is that he likes to live life to the fullest. Some people say to take life slow and to savor memories and stuff like that. I don’t like that kind of stuff. I think its just a load of BS. Some memories are horrible, and I don’t think I want to take those slow and savor those memories. This is a good song; you should listen to it.

When I was a kid I would only wear what my mom picked out for me. I didn’t mind because my mom has a good sense of fashion. When I got into 5th grade all I wore were converse and shorts. I will admit; I had some pretty interesting out fits. When I got to middle school I wore a lot of Adidas shoes and jeans. I tended to wear sweat shirts and plain shirts. I still wear the same thing to this day; however, the shirts are nicer and the jeans aren’t faded. My style is pretty damn simple. I wear vans for the most part, but I also have a pair of low cut black and grey blazers. I wear a simple t-shirt, and I always have to be rockin’ my blue ipod ear buds; that’s a must.

1. Do you believe in karma?
I do believe in karma, yet my interpretation of karma is a little different. I believe that if you do something bad it doesn’t automatically mean something bad will happen to you; it doesn’t mean your bound to have a bad day because you ruined someone else’s day.

2. What one current event in any aspect of world news do you think is being most neglected or underrepresented?

3. If you could have any one superpower, what would it be and why?
I would most definitely like to be able to control fire! I always thought the fire dude from the fantastic four was hella cool so I wouldn’t mind being like him.

4. If you could invite any 5 famous people or characters to your birthday party, who would you pick? I would invite: lil wayne, Eminem, Omar Visquel, Tim Lincicum, and Pablo Sandoval. The two things I love in this world are baseball and music; family is on another list (just kidding).

5. If you could live in any film or book, what would you select? Would you want to be one of the characters, or would you want to be you (introduced as a new character)? I really really really want to be harry potter. The dude gets to say random shit and make magic. Isn’t that insane? Tell me you wouldn’t want to teleport and fly on a broom stick!

6. Who of your friends would make the best president? I can't wait to know why. Out of all my friends I think none of them would make a good president. No offense, but my friends aren’t really “president” material.

7. I used to always trip out that my strawberry Chapstick tasted so strongly like strawberries (and why was I eating so much Chapstick?). Then I realized that it wasn't the taste that was strong; it was the smell. They say that smell is the strongest sense (and I agree). What is your favorite smell? USE CONNOTATIONS, FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE, OR ANALOGY in your (butter) saucey answer. I love the smell of coke (coca –cola…not crack). Sounds really weird, but if you put your nose close to a glass of coke it smells pretty damn interesting. Also it feels cool when the bubbles fizzle in your nostrils.

8. Ignoring our budget crisis: If you could invent a new class for AHS to teach, what would it be? I would say that we should have a martial arts class. It wouldn’t be mandatory, but it would be cool if people learned self defense.

9. Identify any symbol from any film ever (pick your favorite if you can think of many from which to choose). Identify what it means and why you picked it.
I would have to pick “justice” in the movie “Law abiding Citizen.” The man is trying to kill people until justice is served which is pretty weird, but it was understandable in a weird way, because his family was killed and justice wasn’t served.



10. Will humankind still exist in 300 years?
I’d like to think so. I doubt it though. People are too careless these days. Most people don’t recycle unless forced to, and the people who have the authority are too lazy to enforce it.


11. What is the most embarrassing song to ever grace your IPOD? Why was it there, may I ask? I used to have “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus on my ipod. NO, it wasn’t me who put it on. My sister put it on because she listens to my ipod on occasion, but when my friend saw it on my ipod he thought I was insane.

12. Did you support your answers?
Of course. Why? Because I am an over achiever. (on occasion)

If your dog pooped in my bed I would smack the mess out of it. Poop on beds equals a smack to the face in my book. Unless you’re under the age of 3. Once you reach the age of 3 (in dog or human years), you must stop pooping in beds and use the damn toilet. Who likes poopie beds? Do you? I sure the hell don’t. Today we played El Cerrito and we tied 1-1. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU TIE? I think El Cerrito was afraid of losing so they called the game because of the lack of light. What pussies. We play Berkeley tomorrow. If we win I will be a very happy man because I really enjoyed beating Berkeley’s ass last year. Plus I have a lot of friends on that team. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a Native American hunter. I would most definitely make my own tribe and everything. My tribe would be called the "Squawk Squad" SS for short. I would be the head honcho of this tribe. They would call me Chief snake whisperer elephant giggler llama slayer bingo hunter. Or they would just call me Chief. There would be 3 groups: V.I.P., Hunter gatherer, and teepee setter upper. Me my self and I would be in V.I.P. where I can rest because I would probably be hella hella HELLA tired from all of that ordering people what to do and what not. I feel like I have a lot of homework but then again I feel like I don’t. Does any one ever get that feeling? Sometimes when I think about my homework I think to my self, “Damn. I don’t have that much homework.” But it never fails to become a shit load of homework right when I start it. Who ever created homework needs to be severely punished. I bet on Ryo’s life that the person, who made homework, never had to do any fuckin’ homework in their life. What’s up with that? That is just not fair. I feel like I have a shit load of other homework to do (like writing 30 sentences that I have to do for English) so I think I’m going to go do some of that. Adios amigos.

My ideal life is pretty damn snazzy. After high school I will go to a four year college where there I meet a man who thinks I am some sort of child prodigy. This man would be around the age of 60, and he will teach me the way of life. By the end of college I will have maintained a very high GPA, and will stand out when it comes to job offers. I will have learned the way of life by my sensei, and I will have become a man. I will have many offers for very high paying jobs, but in the end I will become the manager of the S.F. Giants. Every year we will scrape the fuck out of the L.A. Dodgers, and Mr. Ross’s pride for L.A. will be lost. After every Giants vs. Dodgers game I will give a shout out to Mr. Ross and say, “Who does it suck to be now!?” (Smiley face). After I am done making millions of dollars off of the Giants and winning multiple World Series rings I will retire and live in a big ass mansion in Hawaii. One morning on one of my daily trips to the bar I will see a very very very very very very very VERY attractive female who I work up the courage to talk to. We will hook up and start making love in the bar (Not sex you sick bastards. Get your minds out of the gutter). After 6 months I will make that hot mamasita my wife and we will live by the beach and make love every day (Yes, now its sex). When I am around the age of 32 my wife and I will make babies together. We will have two older boys and a girl. I will teach my kids how to play baseball, one will become a MLB(major league baseball) player and the other will be a high trained gynecologist which will be fucking hilarious because that would mean he studied vagina’s which is hella weird. My daughter would become a lawyer. My wife and I would live happily ever after and if she ever had vagina problems our son could help her for free. This concludes my ideal life.

The best invention in the world, apple pie. Apple pie is what I preferably enjoy, but any pie is good! Pie was invented by the Egyptians a loooooooooong time ago. A king, Ramses II, had a picture of servants baking pie’s etched into his tomb in the “Valley of the Kings” after he died. I guess that shows that even kings love pie. If you are some sort of weirdo that doesn’t know what pie is, I am going to describe it to you.
Pie is usually eaten for dessert or on special occasions. You can’t go to the store and buy a pie for no reason because then it’s not a special pie! A really well made apple pie has a crispy, flakey, and slightly moist crust. The best kind of apple pie has different kinds of apple in them. The apple’s are mashed up and slightly sprinkled with cinnamon which makes them irresistibly good. In the end it’s up to you. You can eat your pie with milk, whip cream, or vanilla ice cream. Either will rock your world!
There are two different kinds of pie’s, an open pie and a closed pie. An open pie is a pie with no crust on top of it. A closed pie is where everything is surrounded by a delicious crust. You couldn’t tell what kind of pie it was unless you opened it or you got a really good whiff.
I like to think about pie as two amazing substances that wouldn’t be good unless they were together. Would mashed apples taste good with out the crust as its P.I.C. (partner in crime)? Would the crust taste like heaven with out its apples? The answer is no. Without his apples, the crust is just a lonely doughboy. And with out its crust, the apples are shapeless. There would be nothing to keep the apples in check. They would have no discipline and we couldn’t do anything about it, unless we eat them, but who wants to eat plain apples anyways? Not me!

Track 1: Tracy Chapman, Bang Bang Bang
This song reminds me of Gutman’s body guard Wilmer, who is young and has a lot of life left but is given the job to kill and spy and be secretive. Taking away his youth and giving it to the life of crime. In the second verse there is a line about a gun that says “When he hold it in his hands/ he feel mighty he feel strong.” This relates to the boy in the book because when he holds the guns that Gutman has given to him he feels superior to others. He thinks that he has no fears and nothing can happen to him as long as he has these guns but really he’s just hiding behind the gun. He is not truly fearless. Another line is “Give him drugs and give him candy/ anything to make him think he's happy/ and he won't ever come for us/ He won't ever come.” This is like Gutman giving the boy money and drugs to make him happy just so he won’t turn on Gutman himself. In some ways Gutman is in fear that his body guard will one day turn on him. My last line from this song is when Chapman says “If he wants the chances that you took from him/ and nothing that you own/ then there'll be no place to run to/ there'll be no place to run.” This line is saying that if the boy wanted to take back the things that Gutman had deprived him of and not money and power then he would take Gutman’s life and he couldn’t do anything about it.

Track 2: T.I., No Matter What
In this song T.I. says, “Life can change ya direction, even when you ain't planned it/
All you can do it handle it, worst thing you can do is panic Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity manage To conquer, every obstacle, make impossible possible
Even when winnings illogical, losing is still far from optional.” This line reminds me of Spade because when ever he is in a bad situation whether its being held at gun point or being accused of murder he still stays calm and always ends with the upper hand. Another segment of T.I’s lyrics in this song is when he says, “I understand why, ya'll when my hands tied, they take shots, cause if I'm out there it's a landslide.” What this is saying is that No one wants to mess with him unless his hands are tied physically or figuratively. For example if spade had hit Dundy back after he had struck Spade, Spade could have gotten into a large amount of trouble. Spade kept his composure and still ended with the upper hand. The last quote I have from the song is “I lost my partner and my daughter in the same year/ somehow I rise above my problems and remain here.” Spade lost his partner and a woman that he really cares about with out much time in between the two. Even after the two he pretends that nothing happened and goes back to his job.

Track 3: no quitter go getter, lil wayne
This song is sort of what Sam Spade is like in this novel. He is defiant to the rules of the law when he is trying to achieve something. Wayne says, “I'm reliant on redeem inspired by the green never tired or fatigued never defiant to my team.” This relates to Spade because all he is trying to do in this book is find the falcon not to help someone else, but to help himself. He is all about the green (money) and is never goes against the way he feels about something. Another line in the song that relates to Spade is when lil wayne says, “Nothin's what you give to me/ I take whatever I'm visioning/ now break all of the limiting now shake all of the gimmicking/ the fakery the trickery.” This is like Spade because he doesn’t believe anything is a favor. He thinks that when someone offers to do him a favor it is because they want something in return. Spade doesn’t fall for all the bullshit that people tell him. He knows when someone is lying to him but chooses only to call the person out on it when at the right time. “Yeaah, I'm allergic to cheatin, I hate failure and I'm in love with achievement/ above and beneath it, a hug when I greet it/ my eyes on the prize and I love when I seek.” This quote just reminds me of how the only thing Spade is really looking for in this book is the Maltese Falcon.

Track 4: Poker Face, Lady GaGa
This song relates to Brigid O’shaughnessy. In one of the first lines the song says, “LoveGame intuition play the cards with Spades to start/ And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart.” This line fits Brigid because she basically wants to pretend to be in love with Spade and use him to get what she wants. “I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be/ A little gambling is fun when you're with me I love it.” Brigid wants to pair up with Spade because she thinks they will become an unstoppable duo that could basically get what they wanted by using each others skills in brute force and lying. “Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin/I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning.” This quote means that shes just using her muffin, “vagina,” to get what she wants and that the guys can’t resist. Brigid O’shaughnessy does this very well.

Track 5: Hound Dog, Elvis Presley
This song reflects on the relationship between Spade and Wilmer. Elvis says, “ You ain't nothin' but a hound dog/ Cryin' all the time.” Spade thinks of Wilmer as a kid that just whines. When Wilmer doesn’t get what he wants he runs and tells Gutman. In the third verse he says, “Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit/ and you ain't no friend of mine.” This is kinda like spade saying that Wilmer is just a poser and that’s he pretends to be hard and tough but really he isn’t and he doesn’t want to be friends with someone like that. The last line I pulled form this song is “Well they said you was high-classed/ well, that was just a lie.” Gutman and his associates says that Wilmer is a good worker and reliable but really Spade thinks he’s over rated.